GQ Magazine editors recently released a list of “21 Books You Don’t Have to Read.” The Bible came in at #12. Here are 21 reasons (that we will never say out loud) for why the Bible probably made that list.
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I don’t have time to be commanded to care for the poor. I’ve got too many clothes to research and buy.
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I don’t want a life that is eternally extraordinary. I want to be an average American consumer.
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The Bible elevates the value of women in every culture it enters? Meh.
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Too many people keep the Bible around. I’m excited about filling landfills with magazines that won’t stand the test of time.
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I don’t want to learn how to love my neighbor as myself. I just need to learn about Chelsea boots.
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I don’t want timeless wisdom that has built great lives. I just need some grooming tips.
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A true gentleman doesn’t lay down his life for his wife, he lays down cash for clothes.
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I don’t want to stress my mind to consider the Bible’s complexities. More manscaping advice please.
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I only expose myself to things that make me feel good.
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I don’t want inspiration and instruction that helps a marriage stay strong. I’m more interested in the colognes I should wear this spring.
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I don’t want a voice of clarity that goes against the cultural grain. I just need to know if plaid goes with stripes.
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I don’t read things that take an attention span longer than it takes to read an article on pocket squares.
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Hearing from celebrities is more important than hearing from God.
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I don’t want to be challenged to curb unhealthy sexual desires. That’s why I read magazines about grooming and pocket squares.
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I want to focus on external fashion more than internal character.
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The call of generosity doesn’t evoke my imagination like the pull of researching another pocket square.
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I’m not curious about the person that all of humanity dates time after, but The Rock captivates me. (The one with the biceps.)
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I prefer to take my cues from popular culture more than a transcendent God.
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Let’s get real. God can’t change my life, but “Career Gear’s Life Changing Suits” will.
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The “10 Commandments” are too narrow minded for a maverick like me who breaks fashion rules all the time.
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I’m not curious about the most read and best-selling book of all time.
Is the Bible an easy read? No. Is the Bible filled with complexities? Yes.
I would expect a book to offer these tensions if God were to actually communicate through numerous human agents, in numerous cultures, over numerous centuries, calling us to escape a shallow life in search of a transcendent reality.
Hey GQ—stay in your lane while some of us seek after something more.
