Too Many Rules | Get Back To Better

Rules are important. Rules matter. But lately, it seems the rules have become all that matters—and it’s weighing us down. We’re worn out, angry, and isolated trying to keep up with all these rules. Join us as Brian Tome talks about how God can give us freedom from these expectations.

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    - Are you feeling pressure? Me too.
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    If religious pressure is too much,
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    work pressure is too much school,
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    family, society, air pressure,
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    all the pressures is too much
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    then you're in the right place.
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    I'm Kyle, Online Community Pastor here at Crossroads,
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    and it's my job to equip you for
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    the adventurous life that God has made you for.
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    Today my friend and mentor, Brian, is going
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    to tell us about the pressure and rules,
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    where they come from and how to deal with it all
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    just a little bit better.
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    One thing we never want you
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    to feel pressure around is giving.
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    Here we make the call as a community
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    to be obedient to God,
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    and for us that looks like giving.
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    If you want to try it with no pressure attached,
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    we have something called The Tithe Test.
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    It's pretty simple.
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    You try tithing for 90 days
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    and if at the end of those 90 days
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    you don't feel more of God in your life,
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    we'll give you all of your money back.
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    Now I know hundreds of people who have done
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    The Tithe Test.
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    By the way, if you're one of them, way to go.
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    If you sent in a prayer request,
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    I want you to know that I'm praying for you.
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    And if you want to sign up for that today,
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    just go to Crossroads.net/giving.
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    Here's Brian.
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    - You know, rules are really important,
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    especially as it relates to deodorant.
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    I'm showing a little bit right now and urinals.
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    Ladies, let me give you a secret.
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    Guys, let me get something really, really clear.
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    When you go into the men's bathroom,
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    urinal selection is critical,
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    and that means there must always be
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    a space between you and the next -- not space.
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    No, I mean, entire urinal space
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    between you and the next person.
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    And on top of that, if you have to be right beside
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    the person or right beside me
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    because it's a very crowded bathroom, that's OK.
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    You just can't look at me.
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    Don't look at me. Don't look. No, no.
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    You look straight ahead into that ceramic tile
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    as if it contained the recipe
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    for turning dust into gold dust.
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    Never make eye contact, ever.
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    Rules are a good thing, but they can also be
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    an entirely overwhelming thing.
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    In the beginning of our series Back to Better,
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    this is the end of our series.
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    Want to go back to the verse I used
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    at the very beginning of the series.
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    We're not trying to get back to normal.
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    We're trying to get back to better.
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    We're not trying to get back to the way things were.
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    We're trying to say wherever I am right now,
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    what's better?
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    And we looked at this verse and I'm going to look
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    at it and even more depth today.
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    It comes to the Book of Matthew 11.
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    It's what Jesus says.
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    Whenever I read that I just kind of go,
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    "Ahh, it's so good. Ahh, it's really good."
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    Here's what many people don't understand
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    about this verse.
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    Sometimes you read the verse in the Bible,
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    you have to pick out certain words and emphasize them.
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    If we read this verse emphasizing my and I,
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    it sounds totally different.
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    Take my yoke upon you.
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    Learn from me.
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    When we emphasize those words we see that
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    He's actually differentiating himself
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    from other religious leaders.
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    This is massive. Massive.
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    Many of us have seen old depictions of Moses
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    coming down from Mt. Sinai, bringing the law,
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    the Ten Commandments, the law of God down to the people.
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    You've seen it or you've heard of it.
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    He comes down with these stone tablets
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    and that's known as the the written law.
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    That's the stuff that's in the Bible.
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    It's written down.
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    God gave it to Moses, written down.
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    But in Judaism, there's two laws.
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    There's the written law and there is the oral law.
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    You might have heard of different
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    rabbinical schools of thought or this rabbi says this
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    or that Rabbi says that.
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    What that is coming from is that the Jews believe
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    that Moses also was told things by God
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    and Moses then brought these oral instructions down
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    that weren't actually written down in the stone,
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    and he passed those on to the next generation
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    who passed on the next generation and so on and so on.
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    That's why these rabbinical schools of thought,
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    they're able to say,
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    "Look, we heard this stuff came straight from Moses.
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    We got this.
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    That guy over there didn't get it."
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    And that's why there's differences of opinion in that.
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    So you can imagine, if you think it's hard
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    to follow all the things in the Bible,
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    if now layered on top of that there's
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    a bunch of things that aren't in the Bible,
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    but are just important and we're given to Moses.
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    Now you've got even a more oppressive system
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    that guts on you.
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    I don't want to get back to normal.
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    I don't want to go back to Mt. Sinai
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    and have even more laws and more rules.
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    The truth is right now, I believe, in America,
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    in our culture we have more rules
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    than we've ever had before.
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    The truth is, it's understandable that we're tired
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    and we're weary and we're overburdened because
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    our culture keeps putting more
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    and more expectations on us.
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    It just doesn't end.
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    I have behind me here a whole bunch of things,
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    just buckets of rules and expectations
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    that you and I are supposed to keep,
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    the culture tells us we're supposed to keep,
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    that are nowhere in the Bible,
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    not written down anywhere.
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    There's nothing in the Bible --
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    Well, there is something about work,
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    but there's not a lot about about work.
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    There's nothing the Bible tells you
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    about what your road trip rule is supposed to be like,
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    how it's supposed to behave on a road trip
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    or fortunately, not in a urinal.
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    A lot of these things, they're important,
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    and as I go through these, I'm not saying
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    that these rules or these maybe principles
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    don't have some health, that they don't have some value.
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    I just want us to see,
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    in a way that you might not have ever seen before,
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    you cannot do and I cannot do
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    everything culture expects us to do
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    that isn't really all that important to God.
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    Let's start off here.
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    Let's just start with this one here, the physical one.
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    Oh, goodness.
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    Of course, the physical one is the incredible heavy one.
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    The physical one.
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    God cares about our bodies. I agree.
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    He doesn't care about it as much as we do,
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    or at least not as much as some of us do.
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    Think about the rules that are given us
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    about your physical fitness.
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    Not many of us may do these things,
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    but it's put on you all the time and you may not do it.
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    How many times a week are supposed to work out.
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    When you work out, make sure you do cardio
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    after weight resistance or make sure --
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    I found this one on just the other day.
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    You've got a -- you really should be sleeping,
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    not eight hours a night, which some struggled with,
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    but no, you shouldn't be doing circadian rhythms.
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    I said, "What is that?"
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    "Oh, that circadian rhythms, that's when you --
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    that's when you go to bed when the sun goes down
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    and you wake up when the sun comes up."
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    Like, Oh gosh, now I've got a new rule
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    around sleeping I didn't know.
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    Here's another one I just found out.
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    Thee same guy was telling me about it.
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    He said, "Yeah, and you need to be drinking
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    half of your body weight in water."
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    Like I weigh about 200 pounds, 100 ounces of water.
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    Are you freaking kidding me? 100 ounces?"
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    "Oh yeah, absolutely, absolutely."
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    I'm very healthy.
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    Every time I go to the doctor
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    and they do all this stuff, I'm all good.
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    I've never drank 100 ounces of water.
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    And I'm thinking, "Well, maybe I ought to improve.
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    Maybe I go to the next level."
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    So next day I did 100 ounces of water.
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    Hated it. I'll never do it again.
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    It was -- I peed all day. It was awful.
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    And I guess if I get more hydrated,
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    maybe won't that be that big of a deal.
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    But you know, I have friends every time
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    I'm with them they're on a new thing,
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    the gallon challenge, juicing, a new thing.
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    And sometimes I just feel pressed because I go
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    I can't keep up.
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    These are not rules that I need to have.
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    And that's just in the physical, in the physical realm.
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    We there's other ones that may exist around here,
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    like goals. Goals.
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    Studies are very clear, statistics are very clear
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    that our youngest generations in America
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    are more stressed out than they've ever been
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    or more than you have ever been.
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    There's more anxiety reigning than ever before
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    in younger generations.
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    It's not because younger generations are weaker.
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    Definitely not.
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    It's not because the younger generations
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    have different DNA. Definitely not.
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    Not because the younger generations don't have,
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    you know, the strength or potential that others do.
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    But why is there such rampant anxiety and medication
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    and depression that's never happened before?
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    One of the reasons, or at least possibilities,
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    is the expectations and rules that are put on you
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    if you are younger that were never put on the rest of us.
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    Like you're supposed to figure out by age 15
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    exactly what you're going to do for a living.
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    And then that's going to inform
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    whether or not you go to college.
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    Maybe that informs who your graduate school,
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    if you're going to graduate school.
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    You have to have this, [indiscernible].
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    And so you feel like if if I'm 16
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    and I don't know really what I want to do for a living,
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    I'm going to failure.
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    I can't do it.
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    If I'm 20 and I'm one year away from graduating college,
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    but I don't have a job secured
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    and I'm still not sure what I want to do,
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    my life is over.
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    I've got to tell you, no one knows at 16
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    what they're going to do for a living. No one.
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    In fact, very, very, very few people know a 20,
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    or have any idea.
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    You look at all the successful people that you know
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    who are in their 40s and you said,
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    "Man, did you ever see your life going
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    the way it was right now?"
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    And they'd say, "No, never saw this job coming.
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    Never saw it. It worked out well.
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    I was diligent, did the right things and boom."
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    But the rules that you have to have
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    this kind of education, you have to know this.
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    You have to know that.
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    You have to have this kind of SAT scores.
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    You have to --
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    The rules are oppressive and crushing.
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    And Jesus would say, "Take my yoke upon you,
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    not cultures."
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    We're not even talking about social media
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    and the expectations there, the rules.
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    You have more rules on you today as an American,
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    I believe, than you've ever had on you before.
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    It starts to weigh us down.
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    How about -- here's one here. Oh, politics. Political.
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    I know we're all over the map politically at Crossroads,
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    that's that's a good thing.
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    But there's also a bad thing about that,
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    about us being as into politics as we are
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    is that I don't think America has ever been
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    into politics as much as it is now.
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    It just never stops being talked about.
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    It's not an election time.
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    It's all the time on and on and on.
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    I'm telling you it was not the way it used to be.
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    We're layering more and more rules on top of us
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    and based on whether you're on the right
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    or whether on the left, you know,
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    the rules that come your way,
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    here's what we have to believe,
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    here's what we have to think, here's how we have to act.
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    It's non stop. It's rules that weigh us down.
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    I think this is part of what's happening with vaccines.
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    I'm so sorry to go here again.
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    I get I get bludgeoned every time I do.
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    Just want to give you just something to think
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    about how the rules may fit into this.
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    I've been vaccinated. I think it's a good idea.
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    And if you choose to not get vaccinated,
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    you haven't been vaccinated. Great.
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    I support your right to do that.
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    I support your freedoms, all that stuff, yada yada yada.
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    Here's though, what I think is happening
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    for many of us who are choosing not to get vaccinated.
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    I don't think it's so much about whatever data
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    you believe or whatever figure that you follow
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    that says something you agree with.
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    Part of what's happening, at least this was me,
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    why I was so hesitant for a while is
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    I'm just tired of people telling me what to do.
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    I'm just sick of it.
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    I'm sick of being told what to believe by this.
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    I'm sick of masking. I'm sick of double masking.
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    I'm sick of -- I'm sick of being told
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    if you don't think this, then you're a bad person.
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    It's an oppressive layering on of rules
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    that is outside of whatever God thinks.
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    And so finally, it's like, you know what?
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    I'm not take your freaking vaccine.
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    Not doin it.
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    You're not going to stick me in the arm.
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    You're putting stuff on me nonstop
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    and I just can't take anymore.
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    I think this happens with a lot of us because
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    we're burdened, we're wearied down
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    by all of these sorts of things.
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    Here's one: family. Family.
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    This is a massive burden that we have,
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    the family burden.
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    Some of us are just incredibly stressed
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    that we don't have a family,
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    or at least we don't have the family
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    that we think we should have.
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    We're stressed about not being married.
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    I've hear people say, "You know,
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    I have a calling to be married."
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    If you're not married, you have zero understanding
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    whether or not you have a calling to be married.
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    There's no person in the Bible
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    that had a calling to be married. None.
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    It could be good to be married,
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    maybe to the right person, but then again,
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    this is a rule that even the church puts on us.
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    Oh, I think I saw --
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    this is a rule that the church puts on us
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    that unless you're married,
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    you're really not close to God
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    or your life is not what at all it could be.
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    People in the Bible are not called to marry.
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    It's not a calling from God.
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    It's a good thing. I'm pro marriage.
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    I love marriage, but I can't tell you
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    how many people I've met who are stressed out
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    because they're 23 and they're not married.
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    They're stressed out because their family life
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    doesn't look the way it's supposed to.
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    It's because the layering on of rules is stifling you.
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    And then if you do get married,
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    then if you do have kids, oh my gosh, look out.
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    Get ready for the rules to start stacking up:
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    how you're supposed to raise your kids,
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    what age are supposed to have kids by.
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    Things like don't have the TV babysit your kids.
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    Let me just be very helpful for you,
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    use the television to babysit your kids.
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    It's going to be okay. It is.
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    I was babysat by a TV. I turned out just fine.
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    And so are a lot of people.
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    Serious, it's one of the rules.
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    It's like, you can't do that.
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    And what's being told right now is if you are a parent,
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    you're going to let your kids have screen time,
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    you have to have it with them.
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    You have to sit there and watch the same stuff
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    and then talk about it.
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    It's a rules, it's a burden you just can't take.
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    I ran across this statistic in the New York Times
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    and said this, it said:
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    today, mothers spend nearly five hours a week,
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    five hours a week on shuttling kids around,
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    compared with 1:45 in 1975.
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    So 3:15 minutes a week more is spent
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    shuttling kids around than there was with my parents.
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    Why? Because that's the rules.
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    When your kids want to do an activity,
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    you got to do an activity.
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    You got to do this,
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    you have to have them do everything.
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    That's just the rules and it's oppressive
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    and it's stifling.
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    And we haven't even started yet.
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    I haven't even gotten started yet.
  • 00:15:09
    Well, what else do you want to pick out here?
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    Oh, how about? Oh, yeah, here's one.
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    How about social media,
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    what we're supposed to do on social media?
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    We have to have people see us
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    and how cool we are in social media
  • 00:15:23
    and all of our great vacations
  • 00:15:26
    and all that stuff that's happening.
  • 00:15:28
    Oh, my goodness.
  • 00:15:29
    Oh, and of course, let's just have
  • 00:15:31
    the financial discussion right now.
  • 00:15:33
    Oh, you only have six months cash on hand
  • 00:15:37
    at all times, six months cash on hand.
  • 00:15:39
    It's got to be there.
  • 00:15:41
    Really? It says that in the Bible where?
  • 00:15:46
    Did all Jesus's disciples have six months cash on hand?
  • 00:15:50
    Did Jesus have six months cash on hand?
  • 00:15:52
    Maybe He did, maybe He did, and maybe it's a good idea,
  • 00:15:56
    maybe that could make you be more free.
  • 00:15:59
    But notice our culture, it's not --
  • 00:16:02
    Got to have six months cash on hand.
  • 00:16:04
    You've got to put 30% of your savings
  • 00:16:07
    or of your income into retirement or you've got this
  • 00:16:10
    or you've got to do this financially
  • 00:16:11
    or you have to make sure you have a house
  • 00:16:13
    by this amount of time.
  • 00:16:14
    Or if you don't have a house, you have to do --
  • 00:16:16
    or you have to pay cash for your car.
  • 00:16:18
    Where's the Bible say you have to pay cash for car?
  • 00:16:20
    It doesn't matter.
  • 00:16:21
    That's just what supposed to happen,
  • 00:16:23
    or you have to do this.
  • 00:16:24
    And all these things,
  • 00:16:25
    I may do a good portion of these things
  • 00:16:27
    and those things may be smart, but it adds to
  • 00:16:32
    the layer of rules and weight.
  • 00:16:35
    And guess what? When you're like this,
  • 00:16:37
    you can't get to better.
  • 00:16:40
    You can't go to the next place because
  • 00:16:43
    you're so weighed down, you just can't move.
  • 00:16:46
    And all you want to do is go back to maybe
  • 00:16:48
    when it was normal, when you might be thinking is
  • 00:16:50
    back when I had fewer rules placed on me.
  • 00:16:53
    Back then there was fewer restrictions
  • 00:16:56
    that were placed upon me.
  • 00:17:00
    Of course, how we clean our house,
  • 00:17:02
    that's critical, exactly how you do it.
  • 00:17:05
    Oh, here's one, Uber conversations.
  • 00:17:07
    What's the rule? So do I talked to the Uber driver
  • 00:17:09
    or do I not talk to the Uber driver?
  • 00:17:10
    And these things just crush us.
  • 00:17:14
    I've got to tell you,
  • 00:17:15
    I just want to take these off already.
  • 00:17:24
    Oh.
  • 00:17:27
    There's actually weight in some of those.
  • 00:17:29
    The Book of Colossians 2:20 and following says:
  • 00:17:45
    All these regulations I just talked about.
  • 00:17:51
    Save 30%, sleep circadian rhythms,
  • 00:17:57
    don't have your kids watch the TV,
  • 00:18:00
    drink 100 ounces of water.
  • 00:18:01
    Referring to things that all perish as they are used,
  • 00:18:05
    according to human precepts and teachings?
  • 00:18:08
    And it says this:
  • 00:18:22
    All those packs were so stifling.
  • 00:18:27
    Man, when you take on the burden of Jesus,
  • 00:18:30
    He says, "Take my yoke upon you,
  • 00:18:32
    because my yoke is easy, my burden is light."
  • 00:18:38
    He's also living water.
  • 00:18:40
    I mean, there's things that Jesus wants us to do
  • 00:18:43
    and we should do. There are.
  • 00:18:45
    There are some things, not all these things.
  • 00:18:49
    Let me tell you.
  • 00:18:51
    I cannot do what people want me to do. I cannot.
  • 00:18:56
    I regularly will let people down because I've chosen
  • 00:18:59
    I cannot bear the weight of the expectations
  • 00:19:03
    that other people have for me.
  • 00:19:05
    I'll have people say, "Man, aren't you tired
  • 00:19:07
    of wearing the same shirt?
  • 00:19:09
    You've got freaking dad jeans on?"
  • 00:19:10
    Well, that's because I'm a dad and they're jeans.
  • 00:19:13
    So yeah, I guess I have some dad jeans on.
  • 00:19:15
    And no, I don't really care about my fashion at all.
  • 00:19:18
    Not, not at all. Not remotely.
  • 00:19:20
    I can't keep up.
  • 00:19:22
    I look at what other people who speak
  • 00:19:23
    before a bunch of people, how they look
  • 00:19:25
    and how much time they must spend on their wardrobe.
  • 00:19:27
    And I go, "I can't do it. I can't keep --
  • 00:19:29
    I can't stay with -- I can't."
  • 00:19:32
    That's just a burden. That's an expectation.
  • 00:19:34
    That's a law of what a person like me
  • 00:19:37
    is supposed to look like, that I'm choosing
  • 00:19:39
    I'm not going to do.
  • 00:19:42
    I want to do what Jesus wants me to do.
  • 00:19:44
    I'll do some things in here that are wise,
  • 00:19:46
    but I can't do them all.
  • 00:19:47
    Jesus is a sip of fresh water.
  • 00:19:53
    He's a sip of fresh water,
  • 00:19:55
    and He brings a limited amount of expectations.
  • 00:20:00
    This is what God wants, not from you,
  • 00:20:04
    He wants this for you.
  • 00:20:05
    It's what Jesus wants for you:
  • 00:20:07
    Simplify your life. Make things easier.
  • 00:20:11
    Now I just talked about being very wary
  • 00:20:14
    of taking expectations on.
  • 00:20:15
    I want to give you a challenge though.
  • 00:20:17
    I'm not going to give you a law.
  • 00:20:18
    I'm not going to give you a rule,
  • 00:20:19
    but I want to give you a challenge,
  • 00:20:21
    something that I encourage you
  • 00:20:22
    to put inside of your backpack.
  • 00:20:24
    We have a Journey coming up.
  • 00:20:26
    It's a multipronged spiritual growth approach
  • 00:20:30
    to a specific area of life.
  • 00:20:32
    And this year, it's called Heroes.
  • 00:20:35
    We all want to be heroic.
  • 00:20:36
    What does that mean? How am I heroic?
  • 00:20:38
    How do I live my best life?
  • 00:20:40
    How am I actually great?
  • 00:20:43
    We're going to talk about that,
  • 00:20:45
    and you're going to need to be
  • 00:20:46
    in a group talking with people.
  • 00:20:47
    I'm not giving you a law:
  • 00:20:48
    Thou must or else God doesn't love you.
  • 00:20:51
    I'm asking you to consider
  • 00:20:53
    shedding some of your previous commitments
  • 00:20:55
    for a five week period and getting inside of a group.
  • 00:20:59
    I think you'll be lighter as a result of it.
  • 00:21:01
    I think you'll be better as a result of it.
  • 00:21:04
    You will be better, not back at normal.
  • 00:21:07
    Let me pray for you right now.
  • 00:21:09
    God, I thank you for bringing
  • 00:21:10
    the simplicity of Christ to my life,
  • 00:21:14
    the simplicity of the right expectations.
  • 00:21:20
    God, I'm sorry for picking up too many things
  • 00:21:22
    and letting too many people stuff things
  • 00:21:24
    into my backpack and into my life.
  • 00:21:27
    I want to repent of those things
  • 00:21:28
    and I want to be about the things
  • 00:21:29
    that You called me to.
  • 00:21:31
    In Your name I pray Jesus. Amen.
  • 00:27:26
    - It's finally time, The Journey starts next week,
  • 00:27:29
    and if you don't do anything else,
  • 00:27:31
    you need to get in the groove to do The Journey.
  • 00:27:33
    We've got a month worth of material coming
  • 00:27:35
    and I don't want you to miss a second of it.
  • 00:27:37
    Whether it's a book, signing up for a group,
  • 00:27:39
    you can find all the things for The Journey
  • 00:27:41
    at Crossroads.net/onlinejourney.
  • 00:27:46
    That's it for this week.
  • 00:27:47
    I'll see you next week for
  • 00:27:48
    Heroes: Your Path to Greatness.
  • 00:27:51
    Also, don't forget to subscribe
  • 00:27:53
    and watch this video right now.

Process, journal or discuss the themes of this article - here's a few questions to get the ball rolling...

Welcome to the Weekend Follow-Up. The questions below are for the weekend of Sep 18 & Sep 19 2021.

  1. What’s the heaviest object you’ve ever had to carry?

  2. Cultural expectations surrounding things like family and politics often leave us divided or isolated from others. Do you ever feel alone in your attempts to follow the rules? Explain why or why not.

  3. Read Colossians 2:20-23. It can be easy to put pressure on ourselves that’s not from God, but from the world around us. Do you think any rules in your life right now are part of a “self-made religion?” If so, how does this impact your life?

  4. Read Matthew 11:28-30. Thankfully, we’re not left alone with our burdens, self-imposed or otherwise. Name one rule in your life you can surrender to God this week.

  5. Now close your time in prayer. Here’s an example: “Lord, thank you for giving us freedom from all the expectations of the world. Thank you for walking alongside us and bearing our burdens with us. Give us the humility to trust you with our struggles. Help us fight the temptation to put our trust in ourselves. You are our cornerstone, supporting the heaviest weight on our shoulders. Amen.

More from the Weekend

Read John 1:14. At Crossroads we’re about the power of God who transforms lives. Everyday we’re getting outside ourselves trying to make a difference in the world. One way we do this is partnering with organizations who literally are changing the world everyday. If you want to jump in and start giving risk free, you can try the 90 day tithe test here.

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Sep 17, 2021 27 mins 59 sec

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